A Garden to Kill For

I admit the horticultural media, of which I am a card-carrying member, has finally left me perplexed. So in essence, I am confused by myself? Introspective, but I am sure my wife will agree with any snide comments you would care to make. I am referring to the periodical publications currently in the magazine racks at your local Barnes and Noble. The list of publications is extensive, and covers every possible topic from state specific gardening (because gardening in Iowa and Nebraska differ so greatly they require their own publications) to organic gardening, or my personal favorite, The Boxwood Bulletin- publication of the American Boxwood Society. One publication stands out above all the rest, and is the source of my confusion and fruitless search for knowledge. I am speaking of course of the enigmatic Garden and Gun Magazine.

Being a bit of a skeptic, I was a disbeliever until a co-worker took it upon himself to subscribe. Recently, the first of what will be six months of bewildering issues arrived. Much to my surprise, the magazine was not only real, but real interesting… if you didn’t want to read about gardens, or guns. More of a misguided Conde Nast travel guide, it presented well-detailed copy and stunning photography. Not bad for the first magazine publication from the otherwise savvy newspaper publisher, although sadly, they did miss the mark on their moniker.

I can remember an advertising slogan from my youth (but given my memory it was more than likely last week) that stated “two great tastes that taste great together”. Gardening and Guns, although historically synonymous with one another given the commonality of the garden “varmint”, have long been kept separate. Apparently everywhere but in the south this still holds true. They still like to combine their hobbies with firearms, and possibly anything that will explode. A thought that continues to resonate- my father, the fine southern gentlemen he is, has yet to fulfill his dream of “fishing” with grenades. Patience has its virtues, and lack of patience involves hurling a 14oz. incendiary device into 10′ of water and hoping your dinner is within the blast radius like you are.

Having been fooled by the ultimate bait-and-switch, my fruitless quest for a publication combining weapons and gardening will continue to trudge on.